…that I’m oddly preoccupied with my bottle of fish oil capsules? Like, it says it’s 100% Alaskan, but how do I know some grouper from Kentucky didn’t sneak his way in there?
…that I find it cathartic to see the virtual players I found most frustrating in the first season of my MLB: The Show franchise languishing on the free agent list in my second season? I am legit thrilled that these collections of bits don’t have jobs.
…that I watch the local news every morning because I’m concerned about the anchors and I want to make sure they’re ok? These people are quite obviously so done with this shit.
…that I’m pretty sure I could make it as a “mommy blogger” even though I’ve got the wrong equipment and zero spawn?
…that I’ve saved more money than ever this year but somehow I have enough rewards points on my credit card to get a TV?
…that the best Valetine’s Day date I can think of would be to order a pizza, open a bottle of wine, and snuggle up on the couch to watch and poke fun at the My Pillow dude’s garbage-ass election fraud documentary? Maybe this is why I’m single. (Editor’s Note: It’s not, but this is funnier than the real reasons.)
…that a search for “piano music” in the Amazon Prime Music app somehow lead me down a dubstep fiddle rabbit hole and I don’t regret a second of it? I like to think this one imperfect search result is why Bezos is stepping down as CEO.
…that although I’ve loved video games and genre fiction my entire life, I really don’t understand modern fandom? Like, how in the heck do these people have time to put hundreds of hours into enjoying this thing, keeping up with all the announcements and memes, buying all the stuff, and meeting all the other people who are into it to? It all sounds so exhausting and I can’t understand how it’s possible if you’re not independently wealthy.
…that my apartment is suddenly a lot warmer now that I’ve properly shut the window that wasn’t quite locked? Funny how that works.