I don’t expect much from modern Star Wars movies. Give me some fun Jedi shit, a few neat spaceships, and a couple interesting new creatures and generally keep things moving I’ll gladly fork over $15 and a couple hours of my time. That’s why I think Rise of Skywalker is the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy. It gave me what I needed within the context of the hand it had been dealt.
I’ve come to think of that hand as the Straight of Stink. Here are the cards:
- The Ten of This Should’ve Been Done Twenty Damn Years Ago.
- The Jack of Finn and Poe are Useless and Boring.
- The Queen of Disney Needs More Money.
- The King of Why Did They Try So Hard to Recreate The Original Trilogy Instead of Building Upon It?
- And most importantly, the Ace of Who the Fuck Watched the Original Trilogy and Thought This Bullshit Would Be What Happens Next?
If Han Solo were dealt that hand in a game of sabacc he’d fold that shit so damn fast.
So many of the decisions that went into the grander arc of this trilogy make so little sense. Am I really supposed to believe that Luke Skywalker, a man who preferred to die rather than kill his Space Hitler father, would ever even consider murdering his nephew in cold blood because of a mere vision? That Han Solo would ever lose the Millennium Falcon? That the fledgling New Republic wouldn’t rally all of its resources to squash the Empire-inspired First Order at the first sign of trouble?
Poppycock!
I was as excited for Rise of Skywalker as a fun movie as I was because it meant the end of this bullshit. The old Expanded Universe taught me that there’s room for a ton of enthralling, logical stories that introduce beloved new characters in that Star Wars universe. We’re talking about a whole damn galaxy, after all. There are a lot of worse ways to spend a few hours in the theater, but hopefully the conclusion of the sequel trilogy–combined with the success of the excellent The Mandalorian–means the property can finally move on to better things.
Scott Land 